What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
