Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
