um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
