the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
