Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You were trust falling into bushes
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
