R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
