she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Two words: nipple clamps
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