i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
