She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
