Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
