tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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