Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
