My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize