I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We are all done wearing pants today
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
