Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
