Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
