Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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