I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
