he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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