omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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