I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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