I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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