Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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