i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
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They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
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do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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