He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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