eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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