I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
