So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
