Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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