I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
