Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
