I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
