i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
