3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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