u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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