Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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