Sry I called you an 8
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
