I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
