dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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