Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
