please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
