He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize