Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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