you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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