Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
