i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
