Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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