he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
