I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
