it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize