I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
