do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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