Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
