He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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