I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
