i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
