I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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