I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
