He kissed a someone with a penis
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
