My sheets look like a crime scene.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
