I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
