No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
