operation have a gay friend backfired
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
