I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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