FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
