I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
