cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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