So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
