Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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