hotel room ftw
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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