jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
