I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
