That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
