I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
