There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize