he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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