I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
