good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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